Thursday, December 24, 2009
messing with your mind / 1:39 AM

Obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, paranoia, depression, drug abuse, workaholicism, shoppaholicism, kleptomania, fetishes, a million types of phobias, you name it. Who can claim they are 100% normal and sane? What defines normal and sane? Is it possible to realise that we have a problem, or do we have a problem because we believe we have one?

I have self-diagnosed myself with mild cases of OCD, narcolepsy, depression, masochism, and perhaps ADD (2), bipolar and over-eating, as well as mild physical deformations like scolisos, flat feet, and asthma. Mostly according to the symptoms read from Wikipedia. Do I actually have all these problems, or am I forcing my personality and actions into the list to believe that I have all these disorders? Is that just how I am, or is there a hidden reason for the way I think and behave?

How could I personally have children, when I can't take care of myself? How could I bear to bring to life a child who could possibly have a disease, a deformity, a mental handicap or disorder? How would I be able to raise them to perfection, as well as maximise their potentials without brainwashing their opinions? What would I do to the newborn in my arms that was not a perfect baby? Would I drain them of their new life, or would they take away what has always been mine?

You read stories on the newspaper, on the internet, about people that lose it, and take the lives of others, of themselves, or whatever. And you think, these people have issues with themselves, and sometimes the distance you put between you and those people can blind you to the issues of the people around you. "These are the stories of people I see on TV, there's no way people like that can be around me."

I have a friend who is almost always depressed, distrusting of friends and family, just went through a breakup with a selfish girl, blames himself for a lot of things, and other problems. I've always tried to be there for him, to make sure he stays afloat. Sometimes I'll give him a little space 'to be himself again'. Until yesterday when I thought, "what if he really isn't normal? what if he's going to be one of those people I read in the news?" What am I going to do, when the last email I get from him is one that says goodbye forever?

{Let It Die} by Three Days Grace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4KYPAfe11o

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't want to hear it anymore
I swear I never meant to let it die
I just don't care about you anymore
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1 Comments:

I think it doesn´t matter one bit if someone suffers from mental illness. It´s more important to be happy, regardless how you achieve it as long as it doesn´t affect anyone else in a negative manner. You see all these movies about psych wards where everyone´s stoned, how the heck does that make them better? you´re the only one who can judge you, don´t let anyone else´s opinion count =). I´ve been told i´m overly arrogant, but after many years, i realise that not much matters =)

By Blogger Albert J, at December 25, 2009 at 12:24 PM  

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It's Christmas Time / 1:13 AM

So I'm back from HK already, and I don't really feel like recapping what happened there, maybe in a later post. But for now it's Christmas time.

I've never celebrated Christmas much. And now I relish the fact that while others are scrambling to a shopping centre at 4am in the morning the day before the day before Christmas, I can sit comfortably in my study chair with no worries at all.

What do people see in Christmas, those who don't celebrate it as Jesus' birthday, the birth of the son of God? You get a plastic green tree, put it in your formal lounge, drape tinsel and baubles over it, stick a star on the top and presents at the bottom. Invite estranged relatives over for a day, sometimes putting up with them a chore in itself, and not a celebration. You buy them superficial presents to pretend you've thought of them, impress them with expensive wine and house decorations, and breathe a sigh of relief when the last of their cars pull away from your house.

Is this merely a habit, a tradition that one follows because one has always followed, or does your heart truly reach out to those you've sorely missed. Or perhaps it's a convenient time to bring everyone that you haven't seen in a while, and conjoin for a brief moment in your busy lives.

Yes I have a new boyfriend now, and to be honest I miss Chris, and sometimes I wonder what I would be doing, or how my life would be if we were still together. But it's just fanciful daydreams, all I want is him to still be my friend. Alas alas, what I would do if I could turn back time.

Christmas is closing in like a wild turkey (I don't know how wild turkeys close in it just popped in my head) and Dean (current boyfriend) is coaxing me to enjoy some Australian pasttimes. To eating dinner from a barbeque, walking around the "yard" barefoot and calling his parents by first name, he's a refreshing change, but I guess I'm just too azn. We're honest with each other, but at the same time, we never know, or understand what the other person is thinking. He can be dense as cement or sweet like sugar.

One night I would go to bed alone while he stayed up gaming with his friend, or another night ecstatic with happiness because he bought us a pair of rings. I try a little too hard to be compatible with him, and probably get trod on a little more than I need to be.

Meanwhile things at home are getting complicated. People are moving in and out, decisions have to be made, bills have to be paid, there's work to be done. He's a little bit of escapism, a piece of oasis where I can run from my troubles for just a little while. I do love him so, in my own twisted way, where it's always bittersweet.

{Two of the Lucky Ones} by Pete Droge and Elaine Summers from Zombieland, a pretty funny movie btw, worth a watch, or a download.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3QV5YMb0YQ

Swallows dive and turn, trying to catch what we can't see;
Sure ain't the first time; hope it ain't the last time
When all the work is done, by the light of a setting sun;
We see what we've become -- two of the lucky ones.
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me, myself and i

S2 K.

the wishlist

2009 - the year of adventure

Make the decisions that will lead to the outcome you want to see in your life.

tagboard

linkage

+Dela
+my DA
+Albie
+Panda
+Kura

upcoming

+start practising flairs!
+learn some cocktails!
+work hard, study hard!

the past

+ February 2008
+ March 2008
+ April 2008
+ May 2008
+ June 2008
+ July 2008
+ September 2008
+ October 2008
+ November 2008
+ January 2009
+ February 2009
+ March 2009
+ May 2009
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credits

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